See here for a full list of transcripts

[Trailer]

Crystyl MO: I would rather stab my eyes out with forks than go to KTV. People who don't get paid to sing, should not sing.

[Intro]

OF: Welcome to Mosaic of China, a podcast about people who are making their mark in China. I’m your host, Oscar Fuchs.

So this is the second special compilation episode from Season 02, and this one is all about the guests’ answers to the question: “What is your go-to song to sing at KTV?” And as you’ll hear from some of the answers, you don’t need to be a fan of karaoke to have an answer to this question. If you want to listen to the version of this episode which includes excerpts of the music that each guest mentions, stop right now and subscribe to the PREMIUM version of Mosaic of China on Patreon, Apple, or 爱发电 [Àifādiàn]. Otherwise you can listen to this version without the music embedded, and instead listen to the song choices separately on the playlists that I’ve created on Spotify and QQMusic - check out the Mosaic of China website for the links.

[Main]

[Voiceover]

OF: Louise Roy, the childbirth and lactation specialist from Episode 06.

[Clip]

LR: Look, KTV is an art. You've got to choose wisely, for the right time in the evening, and the right moment of the room and everything. But I think probably my favourite just, like, kick-things-off songs would be something like ‘Sweet Child o' Mine’ or something just that you could belt out and get things going. 

OF: Yes. Belting rock songs.

LR: Just belt it, just belt it. And, like, graphic 80s actions. 

OF: Oh, if only there was a video recorder in this room right now. Anyone listening, if you can imagine that Kiss photo with the tongue sticking out…

LR: Yeah, that’s about it.

[Voiceover]

OF: Cassandra Chen, the heavy metal bar owner from Episode 16.

[Clip]

CC: Oh, ‘Sweet Child o' Mine’.

OF: That’s a classic.

CC: Yes.

OF: But you wouldn't call that ‘heavy’, right? That's obviously…

CC: No, no. But it's pretty enjoyable to sing the song.

OF: Yeah.

[Voiceover]

OF: Michael Kinsey, the fire engineer from Episode 25.

[Clip]

MK: So I know one Chinese song. It's called ‘爱我别走 [Àiwǒ biézǒu].’ It's a love song.

OF: As in ‘Love me don’t go’?

MK: ‘Love me don't go’. 

OF: Right. 

MK: Exactly. It's a ballad, fairly simple.

OF: OK. So ballad means it's slow so you can actually read the bloody lyrics.

MK: Exactly. And I've memorised the lyrics as well. I can just about read them now. There's no rapping, which is good for me for my background growing up in the mean streets of Surrey. Yeah, it's just about manageable. You know, I can almost sound OK.

OF: Yes, those are the ones who need to learn. People always like the upbeat ones, but they’re too fast.

MK: True.

[Voiceover]

OF: Alex Shoer, the clean energy entrepreneur from Episode 11.

[Clip]

AS: So I always like to surprise and terrify people with my rapping. Because I come from Atlanta, so I usually usually rap to Outkast or Ludacris. ‘So Fresh, So Clean’ is probably my favourite of the Outkast songs. And then I usually do a little freestyle in there, so I kind of make up my own words at some point. 

OF: That sounds like you put quite a lot of effort into it.

AS: Well, I do, but I have to make up for all my friends and colleagues who are singing beautiful, delicate Chinese songs, in harmony, in the right pitch, trained. And since I can't really do those Chinese songs very well, this is how I build my my 关系 [guānxì] in other ways.

[Voiceover]

OF: Chang Chihyun, the humanities professor from Episode 03.

[Clip]

CC: I have a really good knowledge about Taiwanese gangster songs. So I sing all the Taiwanese gangster songs. For example, one song is ‘Being Lonely’. 孤單 [Gūdān]. 

OF: Gūdān, ah right, right.

CC: It's not that sort of romantic ‘being lonely’, it’s how he works alone, his criminal life, by himself.

[Voiceover]

OF: Noxolo Bhengu, the African community organiser from Episode 14.

[Clip]

NB: Uh, it's anything, man. Like, whatever feels good in the moment, you know? One that I did recently is ‘Ordinary People’. 

OF: Oh, which one?

NB: John Legend. Because… mainly because that song is one I think I can handle for now. So that's what I've been singing recently.

OF: It's in your range, it’s…

NB: Yes. It's in my range. Exactly. Yes.

[Voiceover]

OF: Michelle Qu, the improvisational comedian from Episode 20.

[Clip]

MQ: Oh, I would sing ‘我的心里只有你没有他 [Wǒ de xīnlǐ zhǐyǒu nǐ méiyǒu tā]’, I only have you in my heart, there's no space for anyone else.

OF: Who sings that?

MQ: 黄小琥 [Huáng Xiǎohǔ], a singer from Taiwan. 

OF: OK.

MQ: I love this song, because it's in my key, still in tone, I feel comfortable about it.

OF: Yeah.

MQ: And it’s a little bit jazz style, and a little bit drama style. And also 1980s disco.

OF: Oh that’s ‘Peak Michelle’. Alright. 

MQ: “我的心裡只有你沒有他，你要相信我的情意並不假 [Wǒ de xīnlǐ zhǐyǒu nǐ méiyǒu tā, nǐ yào xiāngxìn wǒ de qíngyì bìng bù jiǎ]” 

OF: Oh. That's a free performance.

[Voiceover]

OF: Wendy Saunders, the architect from Episode 12.

[Clip] 

OF: What would be your song? 

WS: Oh, something from the 80s. Club Tropicana or something that would bring me back to my childhood.

[Voiceover]

OF: Douglon Tse, the island businessman from Episode 15.

[Clip] 

DT: I have a go-to song that people want me to sing at KTV.

OF: Oh-Oh.

DT: Yeah. It's Louis Armstrong, What a Wonderful World.

OF: Oh, you have got quite a deep voice, is that why?

DT: Yeah. But it's just because they want to hear me impersonate him.

OF: Oh, you can do an impersonation? 

DT: Yeah. So once people get drunk enough, or if I get drunk enough, that song somehow always ends up… And it's not… Because the thing is, the version on the KTV machines isn't even very good.

OF: It's a crowd-pleaser.

[Voiceover]

OF: Jovana Zhang, the handicrafts designer from Episode 08.

[Clip]

JZ: Because I don't do singing - I really don't know how to sing - so it's gonna be ABBA.

OF: Which one?

JZ: Money, Money, Money

OF: Oh, wow.

JZ: Yeah. And I always sing it in a duet with somebody.

[Voiceover]

OF: Murray King, the public affairs leader from Episode 29.

[Clip]

MK: There are a few. But I guess the one that I like to sing - if I can sing with somebody else, because it's probably more known as a female song - 后来 [Hòulái], 刘若英  [Liú Ruòyīng]. 

OF: OK.

MK: It’s a song by a Taiwanese singer that probably is 15-20 years old now. And when I learned Chinese - and I tried to improve my colloquial Chinese - I did it by trying to listen to more Chinese pop music. It’s a great way to entertain yourself and learn a language. And it's just one of the early songs that you know… It's kind of just a tune that stuck with me, and gnawed at me, and stayed with me. And so you have to learn one song. Right, you need your karaoke song. So that was my song, because nobody would have expected I could sing that song, right? 

OF: Ah.

MK: It’s not like 对面的女孩看过来 [Duìmiàn de nǚhái kàn guòlái], which is very common.

[Voiceover]

OF: Vladimir Djurovic, the brand naming expert from Episode 13.

[Clip]

VD: I was actually, I think, terrorised because one of my first trip at my first internship in China, we happened to sing in the lobby of a hotel. 

OF: Oh!

VD: And I realised that my singing was going around the whole building. 

OF: What? What kind of terrible hotel was this?

VD: It was a building, it was a hotel in 沈阳 [Shěnyáng], 1999 or 2000. So it was a long time ago. 

OF: Yeah.

VD: But today, if I had to do it, I will probably go for 任賢齊 [Rèn Xiánqí], who is a Chinese pop singer from 20 years ago. He sings very simple songs like 对面的女孩看过来 [Duìmiàn de nǚhái kànguòlái], this type of thing, very light-hearted. And I think that, I can do.

[Voiceover]

OF: Zhao Huiling, the Africa travel vlogger from Episode 28.

[Clip]

ZH: Ooh, something from Britney Spears. Hit Me Baby One More Time. 

OF: Wow, she means it.

[Voiceover]

OF: DJ BO, the DJ from Episode 23.

[Clip]

BO: Chuck Berry and ‘Johnny B. Goode’ is such a great song, which has a great spirit to it; there's a story; people know it from Back to the Future; it’s got a very very easy chorus for people to sing along to; and it's great.

[Voiceover]

OF: Zhang Yuan, the performance art exhibitor from Episode 07.

[Clip]

ZY: I hate KTV. 

OF: But come on. If you drink too many beers, are you never tempted to have a sing?

ZY: Of course I would, they would coerce me to sing.

OF: That’s it.

ZY: You know, I would sing ‘You Are Not Alone’.

OF: Oh.

ZY: You know that?

OF: I do, Michael Jackson, right? 

ZY: Yes. Yes. 

OF: Why that one?

ZY: Cuz people, I mean, when you group together and you’re singing karaoke, you are lonely in a way. Yeah, but you're saying you're not alone. Yeah, for me, it’s…

OF: Ah, so it really touched your heart, actually. 

ZY: Yes, it’s touching in a way. Yeah. The song itself is touching. Yeah, it’s a good song, yeah.

[Voiceover]

OF: Björn Dahlman, the Swedish clown from Episode 17.

[Clip] 

BD: The title song of ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’ of course. So I wanted to become an actor, because I saw Michael Jackson on TV. And I wanted to become Michael Jackson. And too late I realised that if you want to be a singer, you need to hit tones, which I was never really interested in. So I became an actor, that was as close as I could get. But that also means when I was in high school I wanted to be in all these musicals that they put on in that high school. And since I couldn't sing, I always got to play the drunk guy. Because then I can drunk-sing. I think that's when I started to do comedy. I really love to do the Crouching Tiger song in Chinese, because it's so beautiful. And me trying to hit tones, it's just… it's a mess.

OF: I don't actually know that, I’m gonna have to find that out, how does it go?

BD: Oh, I hate you. 我醒來 睡在月光裡 下弦月 讓我想你 [Wǒ xǐng lái shuì zài yuèguāng lǐ xiàxián yuè ràng wǒ xiǎng nǐ]. It’s a girl singing, and yeah… I'm having fun, the audience is like “Ah, bloody hell.”

[Voiceover]

OF: Katherine Wong, the Peruvian healer from Episode 04.

[Clip]

KW: I've stopped going to KTV for so long. But, at home, John Legend: “All Of Me”.

OF: Oh nice. Oh, so that's quite a sensual song really.

KW: Yes.

OF: Are you a romantic Latin type after all? 

KW: I am.

[Voiceover]

OF: Casey Hall, the fashion journalist from Episode 22.

[Clip] 

CH: These days, I've become a lot more au fait with Disney songs over the last couple of years. So I could bang out any number of Disney classics right now at karaoke. And…

OF: In Chinese even? Let it go… 

CH: “随它吧 [Suí tā ba], 随它吧 [Suí tā ba]” Yep. I don't know any of the other words aside from “随它吧 [Suí tā ba].”

OF: That’s good enough.

[Voiceover]

OF: Jiyoung, the transgender teacher from Episode 30.

[Clip] 

J: 'From Me To You', by The Beatles.

OF: Ah, nice.

J: Because most of them have it, so I can expect it. And it's short. And it's easy. And it immediately puts me in a good mood.

OF: You've rationalised that pretty well actually. 

[Voiceover]

OF: Sean Harmon, the beer company CEO from Episode 09.

[Clip] 

SH: You know, I wish I was a better singer. But I'm not great at KTV, I'm not the star of the room by any means. If I have to sing - and I will sing - I do like the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and the range of the lead singer Anthony Kiedis, he doesn’t get too high or too low. 

OF: Ah right. 

SH: So it's manageable, without completely embarrassing yourself. Maybe ‘By the Way’, if I have to choose one.

[Voiceover]

OF: Stéphane Wilmet, the head of consumer insights at L'Oreal from Episode 01.

[Clip]

SW: I am so happy and relieved that KTV today is no longer as relevant, because there are new ways of entertainment today. You think back to when KTV was so important, there wasn't social media, there wasn't TikTok, there weren't all these different sources of entertainment. And so KTV brought people together for the purpose of entertainment. So of course, KTV is still there. But it has been digitalised, like many things. And for me, I love that, because I sing so horribly. But I do have a song. It's from an older Chinese rock singer called 许巍 [Xǔ Wēi]. It's called The Blue Lotus. And I like it, it’s very interesting. The lyrics are quite easy. And there’s no real ups and downs, very Zen. So for me, very easy to sing, or easier to sing. KTV is a humbling exercise, is it not?

OF: Right. 

[Voiceover]

OF: Cocosanti, the drag performer from Episode 05.

[Clip] 

C: I am not a singer. I have no musical bone in my body. I really don't. I don't. I like musicals, I like Broadway musicals. But I mostly just kind of like, chill at KTV, while my friends - who are all performance people - sing. But I'm pretty good at Super Bass, by Nicki Minaj. 

OF: OK.

C: Yeah, I can't sing but I think I can… I can't rap. I can't rap either. My eldest brother is a rapper, and he's pretty famous in the underground scene in Boston. 

OF: Right.

C: But I'm not a rapper. I'm, I'm not.

OF: Maybe you're being hard on yourself, because your brother is a professional rapper. But actually, you're not bad.

C: I mean, he's not that good. So I know that I'm not that good.

[Voiceover]

OF: Jamie Barys, the street food expert from Episode 02.

[Clip]

JB: I'm such a bad singer. It is so embarrassing. It’s Super Bass, by Nicki Minaj. Because I don't actually have to sing, I just get to rap.

OF: I kind of want to see you do that pregnant right now. Why am I saying that? 

JB: You’re right, I actually, um, you know, my friends are like “Oh, we should go to KTV!” And I'm like “Can we do daytime KTV? Because I'm not gonna drink anyway”. So it'll be, yeah…

OF: Yeah, because you really have to do sober KTV, and that's hard. 

JB: Yeah. 

[Voiceover]

OF: Vittorio Franzese, the lawyer from Episode 27.

[Clip] 

VF: I think that I have to talk about my favourite Chinese song that I like to sing at KTV. It's called 我们不一样 [Wǒmen bù Yīyàng]. It's a very popular song from 大壮 [Dàzhuàng]. I don't know the author well, except for this song. But I really like to sing it, especially when there's the refrain part. He reaches some high tones, I love to try to get them well, although it doesn't really happen often.

OF: Yeah, but if you're drunk, you don't care, right? 

VF: The other people care, though. They still notice it. 

[Voiceover]

OF: Danma Jyid, the Tibetan social enterprise leader from Episode 10.

[Clip] 

DJ: I haven't been to KTV for so many years. 

OF: Maybe it's because you don't drink alcohol, is that right?

DJ: Yes, that’s probably it.

OF: Totally. But maybe if you drink enough yak milk, you'll get some kind of high.

DJ: Yeah.

[Voiceover]

OF: Crystyl Mo, the fine dining expert from Episode 26.

[Clip] 

CM: I would rather stab my eyes out with forks than go to KTV.

OF: You have obviously been, though. You haven't been able to avoid it entirely.

CM: I really have only been maybe three times in my early career in China before I realised that I will never go again. People who don't get paid to sing, should not sing.

[Voiceover]

OF: Seth Harvey, the education coach from Episode 19.

[Clip]

SH: Oh sorry, I'm such a big hater of KTV. 

OF: Oooh.

SH: I know. I haven't got it memorised down, but there's a Chinese song called 为什么你背着我爱别人 [Wèishéme Nǐ Bèizhe Wǒ Ài Biérén]. And that translates to “Why did you betray me? Why did you love someone else?” But for me, that's that song that represents my first year in China. And it was always on the radio, and it has this very, super nice melody, da-da da-da-da da-da. And whenever you try to sing this in KTV, it depresses all the Chinese people. 

OF: Oh! 

SH: It’s a very sad and emotional song. But, man, the melody is so nice. So I guess that's my KTV revenge, it’s like “I told you I didn't want to go, and now I'm going to depress all of you with this beautiful sad song”.

OF: The perfect weapon.

[Voiceover]

OF: Ajay Jain, the car designer from Episode 21.

[Clip]

AJ: I've never been to KTV. And now I'm never gonna get a chance, because my daughters have got microphones at home…

OF: Yes.

AJ: …With a speaker system, and tthey own them. So they want me to appreciate their singing.

OF: Ah.

AJ: You know, “Shark doo doo doo doo” or whatever.

OF: Oh that’s gonna be your song. 

AJ: Oh, no, I'm not allowed to sing that one.

[Voiceover]

OF: Jo McFarland, the product sourcing leader from Episode 18.

[Clip] 

JM: I have not got one, Oscar. Because, if you heard my singing voice… No honestly, I've said to my friends “Have I got the worst singing voice you’ve ever heard?” And they all go “Yes”. I like singing stupid things like Robbie Williams’ ‘Angels’ is always a popular one.

OF: Yeah. And who cares if it's good or bad?

[Voiceover]

OF: Salome Chen, the investor and developer from Episode 24.

[Clip] 

SC: Sorry, I don't sing songs. I'm a terrible singer. For me, it was like, I didn't know I was a terrible singer. You know, when you’re a kid, you don't know. You just try to sing songs. And I was a good student. So when we had this music exam, I did the paperwork very well. Full score, always. And my teacher told me "You don't need to sing, you passed the exam”. And really, she just let me pass the exam. 60 exactly. Not even 61. How bad does that mean?

[Outro]

OF: Thank you for listening to today’s compilation. I know from doing these interviews that karaoke seems to a dying art for many people in China. But since I remain a fan, I’ve decided to keep asking this question to the guests of next season. In fact, I was feeling a little nostalgic about when I first got into karaoke while living in western Japan, and in the back of my mind I remember I had a photo somewhere to prove it. And wouldn’t you know, I managed to find it, and I’ve posted it on social media. So please search for Mosaic of China on Instagram and Facebook to see it, or add me on WeChat to join one of the listeners groups there. It was taken in 1999 in 岡山 [Okayama] city, back when I used to still have brown hair. And bonus points if you can guess the song I’m singing just from the lyrics on the screen. No cheating!

Mosaic of China is me, Oscar Fuchs, with artwork by Denny Newell. The next episode will be released in 2 weeks’ time, and it’ll be an anthology of the things that still surprise the guests about life in China. I’ll see you then.

[Clips]

SW: Thank you very much.

JB: Thank you, it’s been a pleasure.

CC: My pleasure.

KW: Thank you so much.

C: Oh hey, thanks.

LR: Thank you very much.

ZY: Thank you.

JZ: Thank you.

SH: It’s been a pleasure.

DJ: Thank you.

AS: Thank you.

WS: Thank you.

VD: Thanks.

NB: Thank you.

DT: Thank you.

CC: Thank you.

BD: Hehe, thank you.

JM: Thank you very much.

SH: My pleasure, thanks.

MQ: Thank you.

AJ: Thanks a lot.

CH: Thank you.

BO: Thank you very much.

SC: Thank you.

MK: Thank you.

CM: Thank you.

VF: Thank you so much.

ZH: Thank you for having me.

MK: It was my pleasure.

J: Thank you so much.

See here for a full list of transcripts