Season 02 Compilation 05

To Read The Transcript…

[Trailer]

COCOSANTI: And I bought these shoes, and they were just… They weren't designed for a human foot. They're like “Oh, a goat is gonna be wearing this, it'll be fine.”

[Intro]

OF: Welcome to Mosaic of China, a podcast about people who are making their mark in China. I’m your host, Oscar Fuchs.

Since the last compilation two weeks ago, we’ve had Singles' Day here in China, which is the annual event where online stores offer big discounts to encourage people to… buy more stuff. So it’s great timing to release this special compilation episode on the way guests from Season 02 of the podcast answered the question ‘What is the best or worst purchase that you’ve made in China?’ You know, I was tempted to phase out this question. Because, well, firstly I myself really don’t enjoy shopping at all. But secondly, it’s kind of a weird thing to ask someone. But when I was listening back to how people answered this question, I realised that it seemed to elicit some of the most evocative stories. So even if you couldn’t care less about how people spend their money, I hope you’ll still enjoy this episode. 

[Main]

[Voiceover]

OF: Ajay Jain, the car designer from Episode 21.

[Clip] 

AJ: Every time I buy something on Taobao, it's the worst thing you can buy. Impulse buying things, you look at the picture, you don't know what you bought. At one point of time, I decided I'm going to quit smoking. So I ended up buying mahogany e-pipes that looked like Sherlock Holmes.

OF: Oh an actual pipe?

AJ: Actual mahogany pipes, that look like pipes, but were e-pipes.

OF: Oh this is your mid-life crisis.

AJ: And they… not a good thing. I did buy a projector one of my first purchases from Taobao.

OF: And that was a good one?

AJ: It's still in the box. I haven't opened it, I don't know.

OF: Dude!

[Voiceover]

OF: Cassandra Chen, the heavy metal bar owner from Episode 16.

[Clip]

CC: I have this… you know like, Chinese or Japanese, they have this cat in the shop, and it tries to ask for more money. Yeah, instead I have one that gives a middle finger. And we drew some makeup on it and made it look like a black metal cat.

OF: Did you buy that on Taobao?

CC: Yeah, I bought it on Taobao.

OF: How did you even search for that?

CC: I don't know. It just popped out. And I saw a cat with a middle finger, and I was like “That looks great.”

OF: That was designed for you. 

CC: Yes.

[Voiceover]

OF: Jovana Zhang, the handicrafts designer from Episode 08.

[Clip] 

JZ: Oh, worst purchase is all over my Taobao. That’s a range of garbage.

[Voiceover]

OF: Stéphane Wilmet, the head of consumer insights at L'Oreal from Episode 01.

[Clip]

SW: Ha, I brought to you one of the many worst purchases I ever made in China. So I will show you.

OF: Ooh an extra object. I like it.

SW: Another object.

OF: What the hell is that?

SW: Exactly! What the hell is that? I don't know what it is. It's the type of thing that you're supposed to use when you want to turn the rice.

OF: Is it? OK.

SW: And then you can pour the water out through the skimmer here, and keep the rice. But of course, look at the design. 

OF: It’s too small. Yeah.

SW: It’s too small, it doesn't work. So one of those ‘looks great on the Taobao, but ends up being useless in real life’.

OF: Oh, that's great. That's the first time someone's brought in their worst object. I appreciate that. You've elevated the question now.

[Voiceover]

OF: Jamie Barys, the street food expert from Episode 02.

[Clip]

JB: It's kind of boring, but I love it. I got a Japanese reverse osmosis water subscription. I hate the giant plastic…

OF: …Dispensers 

JB: Water 桶 [tǒng] dispensers in the house. I feel like it's just very distracting. And I cannot deal with buying lots of plastic water bottles, I just feel way too guilty and I think that's horrible for the environment. So we got that installed a couple of years ago, and it has been fantastic.

OF: Chang Chihyun, the humanities professor from Episode 03.

[Clip]

CC: Oh my god, I can tell you the best. It's just happened four days ago. A butchery, a Swiss butchery, a western butchery. I used to have my favourite butchery on 五原路 [Wǔyuán Lù]. But that butchery closed, and I was pissed off. I finally found a good one. A proper butchery. I'm very happy.

OF: Well done. I know where it is too, it's just down my street. 

CC: Yeah.

[Voiceover]

OF: Casey Hall, the fashion journalist from Episode 22.

[Clip] 

CH: If it's Greater China, the absolute best gift that I've ever given anyone was an original Star Wars poster - that was in a cinema in Hong Kong in 1978 - of the first Star Wars movie. My husband loves Star Wars, and his parents met and married in Hong Kong. I loved giving it to him. And I told him months and months ahead of Christmas that I got him the best present ever in the history of the world. And he was like “You might want to manage expectations a little bit. You're building it up a lot”. I said “I'm so confident that this is the greatest present that anyone has given anyone”.

[Voiceover]

OF: Michelle Qu, the improvisational comedian from Episode 20.

[Clip] 

MQ: Last week, I was going to prepare a gift for my friend. And I have another friend, she’s a painter. And she paints pets, your cat, your dog. And I would like to give a gift, like a painting, to my friend, from this painter friend. And she asked me “Oh, OK, please show me your cat or your dog's picture”. I said “No”. “Ah? No cat. No dog. So what what should I paint?” “My friend! Paint my friend as a cat. OK? A black cat”. And I just sent some pictures of my friend, and she painted it out! It's a cat, but it's my friend. When I gave this painting to my friend, he was like “It’s me!”

OF: Oh, wow. 

MQ: And tears here.

OF: Wow.

[Voiceover]

OF: Zhang Yuan, the performance art exhibitor from Episode 07.

[Clip]

ZY: So, I love this experience when I work with some artist and they would give their piece of work to me as a gift. So I appreciate that a lot, I will say, this kind of ‘economy of gifts’.

[Voiceover]

OF: Salome Chen, the investor and developer from Episode 24.

[Clip] 

SC: I'm not really a shopper. I hate going shopping with girlfriends, that drives me crazy. So normally, I make a list. I know what I want, I go to the shop, I pick up things, and I go. The last thing I really liked was my ring.

OF: Oh, nice. I can see it.

SC: Yeah, it's designed by a friend of mine. I told my husband “If you buy me a Tiffany or whatever, I will not marry you”. I was not nice to him. Every gift he bought me, I was like “Oh, this is expensive”. You know, “It’s not worth that much”. I prefer something meaningful. So I told my husband, I have a friend called Paloma in Beijing. She does the design. And the nice thing is she even built a factory in Ethiopia to help local people who were dumped by their husbands who got diamonds and left their families. I was so touched by this story, and her design is brilliant. 

OF: And that's the ring. 

SC: Yeah, that's the ring.

OF: You're not very romantic?

SC: I'm OK, right. If you put romantic meaning onto these small details, you don't really get anything big.

OF: Right, right.

SC: Yeah.

[Voiceover]

OF: Vladimir Djurovic, the brand naming expert from Episode 13.

[Clip] 

VD: One surprisingly good purchase was chairs I bought at IKEA. I bought them 15 years ago for my office, and I keep getting customers that ask me where I bought it. They think it’s super designed and stuff, and it's just very modern.

[Voiceover]

OF: Jiyoung, the transgender teacher from Episode 30.

[Clip] 

J: My best purchase is my electric guitar. 

OF: Oh.

J: I had a hiatus of music for a while. And then during the lockdown, I bought it. And I'm getting back into playing guitar. So that was very helpful in dealing with the isolation of being quarantined.

OF: And you could rock out here in your apartment block, or how did it work?

J: Yeah, I mean, I had to have headphones, but it still works.

OF: Yes.

J: And the worst purchase was a drink that had fake alcohol, that made me sick for like, two days.

OF: Oh god. And was that here in your city? Or was it elsewhere?

J: Unfortunately it's in multiple cities that that has happened.

OF: Oh no.

[Voiceover]

OF: Katherine Wong, the Peruvian healer from Episode 04.

[Clip]

KW: Definitely my 30 kilos of fake beeswax was the worst purchase I've ever made.

OF: 30 kilos.

KW: Yes, I was cheated. They sent me a sample. I approved the sample. And when they sent me all these blocks of beeswax, it was fake. They changed it.

OF: When you're starting a business, you can't afford to lose that much, right?

KW: No.

OF: Wow.

KW: No, I was crying.

OF: Yeah. And how about the best, is there a nice story after that terrible story? 

KW: Yeah, I found a good provider, who I have stuck with until today.

OF: Yeah.

KW: Yeah.

[Voiceover]

OF: Danma Jyid, the Tibetan social enterprise leader from Episode 10.

[Clip] 

DJ: Well, I bought a jacket, and the colour was quite different from the picture. I tried to return it back, and the guy said “Oh, you just chose this colour”. And then I put a comment, I said “The colour is quite different from the actual picture”. And then the guy replied to me immediately, he said “Delete your comment, and I will let you return it back.”

OF: So did you do that? 

DJ: No. I also accidentally took off the tag, so yeah.

OF: So now you have that jacket still? 

DJ: Yes. It's a big lesson.

[Voiceover]

OF: Cocosanti, the drag performer from Episode 05.

[Clip] 

C: There are times when I buy things, and I think to myself, like “I knew this wasn't going to fit”. The worst purchase I ever made was these shoes. And being like a 47/48 in China size, I'm thinking “Oh OK, maybe I can find something that will fit,” because everyone has all these really nice shoes. And I have like, three, from the U.S. Because it’s the only thing I have. And I bought these shoes, and they were just… I don't know what they were. They weren't designed for a human foot. They're like “Oh, a goat is gonna be wearing this, it'll be fine.” It was just shaped so off, and it pinched in ways that, like, never pinched before. And stupid me was like “I'm gonna wear these for a show. They’re supposed to hurt like this. It's fine.” Those things were so, so poorly made, the heel snapped. 

OF: Oh god. 

C: Yeah, I was so angry. I was like “Who is this made for?”

[Voiceover]

OF: Wendy Saunders, the architect from Episode 12.

[Clip] 

WS: Because I'm a little bit bigger than the average Chinese person. And my feet are a little bit bigger. So I used to kind of try and squeeze my feet in small Chinese shoes. And I think “You know, I can just do it, I can just do it”. And I'll fit it in, and I'll buy them, and then I would be like walking, even just out the door, and I couldn't. You know… So many things that I gave to 阿姨 [Āyí]…

OF: That's the thing, it’s… We're here in this amazing fashionable city. But yeah, the sizes are not for us. 

WS: No.

OF: You can look, but you can't taste.

WS: Yeah. It’s just that thing about being the foreigner. The shoe is like… It kind of fits, but it doesn't really fit. 

OF: No.

OF: Noxolo Bhengu, the African community organiser from Episode 14.

[Clip] 

NB: Skirts. 

OF: Oh.

NB: I don't even know what it is with skirts on Taobao.

OF: OK.

NB: You know, in China I'm a ‘5XL’ apparently. I don't even, like, feel bad about it because I'm like “You’re not, honey, you’re not.”

OF: But even saying ‘5XL’ is not what the truth is. The truth is, it's XXXXXL. Just seeing the five…

NB: They make you see the ‘X’s. Like you follow them. Like these ‘X’s are not ending. So, the worst purchases are skirts. I have not been able to wear cute skirts in China. Thank you, China.

OF: I love it. Yeah.

NB: Oh man.

[Voiceover]

OF: Alex Shoer, the clean energy entrepreneur from Episode 11.

[Clip] 

AS: The worst was this tent. You know, I like to do outdoor stuff and camping. So I bought this tent on Taobao, which I thought was like - you know, reading the descriptions and reviews - it looks glorious and glamorous. It was one of those pop-up tents. And I ordered it for a festival. I'm ready to go, I’ve got my tent, of course I didn't really check it before I went, I just got it and took the plastic off, and brought it. And then of course I pop it up, and it's for, like, a five year old. So the thing was like… Literally, for three days I slept with, like, half my body in a tent and my legs hanging out. And I was so lucky because it didn't rain that week.

[Voiceover]

OF: DJ BO, the DJ from Episode 23.

[Clip] 

BO: I mean, so much music and records that I've bought while here. And I love my 宝安 [bǎo'ān] jacket as well.

OF: What is it, is there one supplier that supplies all of the 宝安 [bǎo'ān] jackets?

BO: You know, I always try to keep this mysterious, but I'm going to engage with this. So they have like, army surplus stores where you can pick up a hat, and jacket, and I've got a whole collection of things there.

OF: Don't worry, I think you're safe. I think most people won't go out of their way to do that. 

BO: Cool. Good.

[Voiceover]

OF: Seth Harvey, the education coach from Episode 19.

[Clip] 

SH: Maybe a gym membership is a great one. I got a four year gym membership. And exercise is something that I started doing regularly that kind of grounds my life, it works as a balancing factor. 

[Voiceover]

OF: Vittorio Franzese, the lawyer from Episode 27.

[Clip] 

VF: I have to say I'm really really attached to the first bicycle I bought in Beijing. It's a proper 胡同 [Hútòng] bike with huge wheels. I bought it on SmartBeijing from someone who was leaving Beijing after maybe 20 years. It was kind of a rare example of a 胡同 [Hútòng] bike that people could use back in the 70s or the 80s. So I really kept it with care. And I was moving around the streets of Beijing thanks to this transportation, that I gave to my best friend once I left Beijing. It’s still there, I still use it when I go there for business trips.

[Voiceover]

OF: Sean Harmon, the beer company CEO from Episode 09.

[Clip] 

SH: The best purchase… I’ve listened to some of your podcasts. And I was really trying to think of something different. But there's no better answer than the scooter. I mean, the scooter is…

OF: Oh right.

SH: It shrinks the city. I've had a scooter since I first arrived, and it's one of my favourite things to do, just to ride around the city on my scoot. My fiancée also has a scooter, and we love to cruise. It’s amazing, especially when the weather's nice.

OF: What a beautiful, romantic image you’re giving me. 

[Voiceover]

OF: Douglon Tse, the island businessman from Episode 15.

[Clip] 

DT: My scooter. Yeah, I literally just go around on my scooter looking at sunsets.

OF: Nice. 

DT: Yeah. After this island experience, if I ever choose to go to another place to expand, to do restaurants, first thing I'm going to do is buy a scooter and become an 饿了么 [Èleme] driver. Because right away I know who is ordering what…

OF: Yeah, that’s…

DT: …And what are the wealthiest neighbourhoods. It's the best market research, by being a an 饿了么 [Èleme] driver.

OF: That's amazing.

[Voiceover]

OF: Murray King, the public affairs leader from Episode 29.

[Clip] 

MK: I bought a 1920s house on 武康路 [Wǔkāng Lù] years ago.

OF: Damn you! You’re one of those people who got in early enough.

MK: I made the brave decision to buy the top of a 1920s house - a standalone house, the top part of that house - in about 2005. And lived in it for seven years, and had a wonderful experience. And then I sold it. And you know the old adage ‘Buy low, sell high’ definitely applies to real estate in Shanghai.

OF: You are not winning any friends right now. 

[Voiceover]

OF: Jo McFarland, the product sourcing leader from Episode 18.

[Clip] 

JM: Well, I made a very fast purchase earlier this year. So it was Chinese New Year. And we have our annual dinner every year, which is the highlight of the calendar in our office. I'm not part of the entertainment, I have to judge it, and I kind of MC the evening. So I thought "I'm going to dress up this year in something Chinese, something nice”. But I was in a real hurry. So I got a taxi down to the fabric market. And I went into one of the shops and I said “Can I have a dress that’ll fit me? I haven't got time for you to make it, or come back next week. I need a dress.”

OF: Immediately. 

JM: Yeah, basically immediately. The lady said “What about this one?” And it was this red dress. So I went in, tried it on, it fitted like a glove. And I went “That’ll do.” And I was out of there. And the whole thing took about 15 minutes. And anyway I wore said dress to the annual dinner. And the reaction I got from the office - because I made the effort to wear this dress - was actually quite touching. Even though it only took me about 10 minutes to buy it. So it was the best thing I ever bought. And it wasn't even expensive. And the quality is excellent. Which is another great thing about China.

OF: Fifteen minutes well spent there, Jo.

JM: Indeed.

[Voiceover]

OF: Björn Dahlman, the Swedish clown from Episode 17.

[Clip] 

BD: Magic tricks. Like, I have this wand that is so tiny, you can hide it in your hand, and then it becomes two metres. If you want to buy it in Sweden, you have to pay like 800RMB. And you buy it in China for like 50RMB. And I didn't know any magic when I started doing the magic show, so I bought things that go with the character, like “What can I do?” I try to make a flower go big, I say “Go big, BAM”, and the wand goes big. And I look at the flower, getting angry with the flower. The kid goes bananas, screaming “Look at the wand! Look at the wand!” I say “Yeah, the wand is big, whatever, the flower is… Oh my god, the wand is big!” I could never do that in Sweden, because it would cost me 30,000RMB, which I very much don't have. But this show happened in China because I could buy it. I had two suitcases full of magic gadgets that I was just playing around with.

OF: Yeah.

[Outro]

OF: Thanks for downloading and listening, I hope you've been enjoying these extra shows. We're now halfway through these 10 special compilation episodes from the guests of Season 02 of the show, and I hope by now that you've gotten used to all of their voices. With any luck, you might also have been persuaded to go back and take a listen to some of the episodes you may have missed before. 

Speaking of missing, we’re already careening towards the end of the year, and it’s making me reflect on all the people outside of China I’ve missed seeing this year. My problem is that I’ve had a cold these last couple of weeks, and when I feel sick I don’t exercise enough, and I don’t socialise enough. And when that happens, my mental health takes a hit. I just wanted to share that with you, in case you’re also feeling the same way. I hope you’re doing well, and I hope that listening to this silly episode cheered you up, in the same way it did for me.

Mosaic of China is me, Oscar Fuchs, with artwork by Denny Newell. See you back here in two weeks’ time.

[Clips]

SW: Thank you very much.

JB: Thank you, it’s been a pleasure.

CC: My pleasure.

KW: Thank you so much.

C: Oh hey, thanks.

LR: Thank you very much.

ZY: Thank you.

JZ: Thank you.

SH: It’s been a pleasure.

DJ: Thank you.

AS: Thank you.

WS: Thank you.

VD: Thanks.

NB: Thank you.

DT: Thank you.

CC: Thank you.

BD: Hehe, thank you.

JM: Thank you very much.

SH: My pleasure, thanks.

MQ: Thank you.

AJ: Thanks a lot.

CH: Thank you.

BO: Thank you very much.

SC: Thank you.

MK: Thank you.

CM: Thank you.

VF: Thank you so much.

ZH: Thank you for having me.

MK: It was my pleasure.

J: Thank you so much.